FOUND: The worried owner of two lost Pit Bull Terriers in the vicinity of County Roads 122 and 125 will be pleased to know that they have been found. They were in excellent health and condition, so I know that you've fed them well. I thought about offering them something to eat, but it seems they weren't hungry, having just helped themselves to several complete chicken dinners from amongst my prize Rhode Island Reds. I'm sure you were worried sick about what has happened to them, lost and wandering the countryside. In fact, the thought passed my mind that maybe this is the middle passage of one of those sentimental stories about two dogs and a cat who were trying to find their owner. Maybe they were on their way from California to New Jersey, where you may live. The mother was quite friendly, her half-grown pup a bit stand-offish. I didn't see the cat - they tend to hide out in the brush. You are welcome to come and pick them up, and you needn't worry about rabies. I gave them each their shots, at no charge to you. You may, however, reimburse me $20 apiece for my chickens, and another $100 for the pen they tore up, when you come. (If you're doing a movie, I hope you have a couple of back-ups, and please don't restart the filming on my ranch, unless you and your photographer are also in need of shots.)